Recovery is a funny word. Not funny in the sense of ha-ha, but funny as in ironic. Recovery is a good thing that is just as painful of a process as the problem that got you there in the first place. Hence the saying, “no pain, no gain.” I’ve been in recovery for almost 4 1/2 years and I’ve been set free from cigarettes, methamphetamine, heroin, cocaine, sex addiction, pornography, and homelessness. I’m still being set free from myself. A work in progress.
My husband and I spent 10 years of our 14 ½ year relationship in active addiction. During the 10 years we were able to get clean for six months, a couple of different times and once for 11 months. Most of that time we were homeless or couch surfing from one place to the next. Trying to keep up some kind of sanity in our addiction and me trying to be a mom to two wonderful son’s that deserved so much more than they were getting.
I’m not sure exactly when the switch went from survival to surrender but when I realized I was done with that lifestyle I was sitting in a jail cell. I couldn’t believe I had wasted so much time living for what? The next high?… I had run a long time and I knew I was running from God because I had been saved when I was seven years old.
I was finally in a place I had nowhere to run. Jesus had my undivided attention for the first time in years. I had no idea what my husband was doing while I was in jail but I knew he was up to no good and I could hardly stand to think about it. It would have driven me crazy had I let my mind continue on that path.
As I sat in my cell, I made a conscious decision to surrender my life and my will to Jesus. I could no longer live with myself the way things were. I had decided that when I got out of jail that if my husband was going to continue living that lifestyle; I would have to walk away from him. I would never divorce him because I loved him so much and knew there was a reason we had stayed together for so long.
The day I was released my husband met me at a place we had predetermined and there he told me that if I wanted to continue living that lifestyle he would have to walk away. He informed me that he had surrendered his life to Jesus and there wasn’t going to be anymore illicit sex and drugs and thieving to survive. I was so excited that my Jesus had met my husband right where he was at as He did me in Jail.
So, recovery has been very much a part of our lives over the last 4 ½ years. We surrounded ourselves with people who loved God and loved us right where we were at that time, which was homeless and living on the streets. We joined Celebrate Recovery and began forming our support. I would have to say the greatest thing that saw us through the first couple of years was LOVE. Love is what really helped us heal and begin to feel like we were a part of society again.
We were able to get a place about two months into our recovery thanks to public programs available in our area. We are now self-sufficient and doing things like all the other grownups in society and we are blessed, very blessed and very grateful.
My life verse has become Jeremiah 29:11-14
For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your land.”
God is in the restoration business and He so wants to do that for anyone who asks.
I am now in school working on my bachelor’s in psychology and I have two more classes to do before I can test for certification for drug and alcohol counseling. I have had both of my son’s living with me for the last 3 1/2 years and my husband now has a relationship with his youngest daughter and our grandchildren. Miracles that were not possible without God!
Recovery is WORK, but it is so possible and so WORTH IT!