Went to the coast this past weekend. When I see the ocean I am reminded of the vastness of God. The ocean so huge you can’t see across it. The waves continue to roll in and out crashing on themselves. I am fascinated by the ocean. I imagine how peaceful it is under the water out in the deep. I am so grateful for the spring time weather.
Isaiah 40:31 But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.
Today I am struggling with a couple of different things. First, someone my husband and I care about has relapsed. He spent the last year living with us. Hind sight is always 20/20, this time is no different. We both saw the red flags and kept giving him the benefit of the doubt instead of calling him out on his stuff. So I’m mostly angry with myself for not doing what I should have done. Im hurt our friend is back out rippin’ and runnin’.
Second, a pastor who is very important in my life and has been a huge part of my walk with the Lord has chastised me for not being a part of a body (church). I am currently between churches. We left our church family (not this particular pastor’s church) about a year ago, maybe a little longer. We left on good terms, I have nothing bad to say about the church we left. We just felt our season there was done. We may have been premature in that decision. We have not found another church we feel at home in since we left.
I’m in school full time, I have a family and sometimes my life feels a little crazy. So finding a church home hasn’t been on the top of my priority list. I also was doing Hep C treatment up until the end of Dec. and I’m just now starting to feel somewhat normal again. I have RA and that takes up some of my energy as well. Sounds like a bunch of excuses… I’m just giving a little background on the situation. Trying to make some sense of this and process it at the same time.
I have a hard time meeting new people. I am guarded because I’ve been hurt but I’m also avoiding the responsibility of living up to others expectations of me. I don’t even know what they are but I know what mine are. I hate disappointing people. Obviously I can disappoint people without even being around them… that’s seems a little odd to me.
My relationship with Jesus is good. It could always be better but I don’t think my relationship with Him is dependent on my attendance at church. I seek Him daily, talk to Him all day long and He speaks to me as well. I love to worship. He speaks to me a lot through music. I love that!
“The Spirit of the LORD is upon me,
for he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released,
that the blind will see,
that the oppressed will be set free, and that the time of the LORD’s favor has come.” (Luke 4:18, 19 NLT)
Twelve years ago today, I married the man God gifted me with. He was an answer to the cry of my heart. Psalm 37:4 says, Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. I am grateful today for my husband who loves me and still romances me after 12 years. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABE! May the Lord allow us to have another hundred years together and eternity after that.
Nobody gave us a snowballs chance in you know where. BUT GOD… Had other plans for us.
Do you know what the chances are for a couple who have used drugs together and it was the basis of their relationship are for staying together when they get sober? I don’t exactly know either, but I know it is slim to none. Unless of course Jesus is in the middle of it.
This foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest of human plans, and God’s weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength.
Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world’s eyes or powerful or wealthy when God called you. Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important. As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God.
God has united you with Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God; he made us pure and holy, and he freed us from sin. Therefore, as the Scriptures say, “If you want to boast, boast only about the LORD.” (1 Corinthians 1:25-31 NLT)
The majority of my friends and family members are Awesome and help to maintain my Faith in humanity. Then there are those few that stretch me. At times, they really tttrrrrry my pa-tience and offers of grace, or even desire to show grace! Jonathan, my husband, will sometimes say the latter are the ones who are there for our “perfecting,” meaning that they make our faith grow. And I think, ‘Gee, how much more does my faith need to e-x-p-a-n-d?!!’
He’s right though, because if they are irritating me by the things they do and/or say, it shows I have not reached my own maturity in Faith. If and hopefully when I’ve come to a point that their actions, which are intended to provoke, do not irritate, but bring forth a response of love and compassion, then I’m getting closer to the patterned son, who treated sinner and redeemed alike…
If you have children you will get this. If you don’t you probably know someone who has children and still might get this or maybe you were one of these children. I was.
Defiant – boldly resisting authority or an opposing force.
When your children choose to be defiant no matter how many times you tell them or show them how to do things the right way there comes a time when you have to step back and say, “Ok. Have it your way.” Knowing full well there will be consequences. You as the parent wishing full well they would just listen to you because you know what’s best. It’s easy for us as parents to see the painful road ahead, none the less, they are determined to do things their way. Just as we are determined to do things our way, the Lord will also say, ” Have it your way.”
I spent the better part of my adult life doing things my way. Running from the call God had on my life. Running came with a huge price. It meant broken marriages, and it cost me custody of my children. It also meant homelessness and drug addiction.
My third husband and I lived in a tent on a creek. We lived lives as out casts, broken, rejected by society, family and friends because of our addiction and criminal behavior. We burnt bridges that the only hope of restoration would have to have our Lord Jesus right in the middle of it.
As any addict, I was always running for drugs or running from the law or people I owed money to. I was mostly running from myself and all the shame and guilt. I just wanted the pain to stop. Somehow I always ran into something or someone that would remind me of the call God had on my life. The call was getting more and more difficult to run from. I knew the running was going to come to an end eventually.
When someone loves you so much, they are willing to do what ever it takes to reach you. If they can’t reach you one way they will try another way. Sometimes the consequences can be severe, but eventually the lifestyle will catch up with you. Thank God, He is God and promises to NEVER leave you or forsake you. (Deut. 31:8)
Jesus ALWAYS meets you right where you are at. Sometimes that might be in jail, in the hospital, in a drug house, even in the bathroom somewhere where you are getting high. BUT no matter where you are or what you are doing He will meet you there. I could never get high enough or run far enough to not hear God’s voice. Don’t get me wrong, I tried… I tried to the point of overdosing. (Romans 8:39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below– indeed, NOTHING in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. (NLT))
He would remind me that I was a child of God, that I was more than a conqueror, that he loved me so much He died for me. He waited for me patiently to come to the end of myself. I was reminded of the call that I had been running from. I was reminded of all the hurting people just like me that need to be pointed to the cross. I was reminded of how much my own children needed me.
You see, I was carrying a cross that wasn’t mine to bare. I didn’t get it. I thought I deserved to carry around shame, guilt, humiliation, rejection, abandonment, addiction, and emotional pain from childhood abuse. For a while I thought I wore a neon sign that said, “Abuse me” or “I’ve been abused so abuse me more.” I thought I deserved to be treated like Rahab (Joshua 6), the woman at the well (John 4) or Mary Magdalene(Luke 8) because I was all of them.
Then one day I saw myself in a broken heap. When I looked up there I was at the foot of the cross and there was Jesus with His arms outstretched and as He looked down at me with His ever loving eyes full of compassion. He said, “Do you want to be free?” Of course I did! He said, “Then leave those horrible things here at my feet. I have already paid the price for them.” Then He reached down and lifted me up. I said, “Lord, you know I can’t do it. I’m weak.” Then He said, ” My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.” (2 Cor. 12:9)
As I looked at the cross, there I saw everything I had been carrying around nailed to the cross covered in His blood. I buried my face in His chest and began to weep for it was then I began to receive my healing and deliverance.
Everyday I pray and ask Jesus to allow my reflection to reveal Him, and I thank Him everyday for my freedom because the Son has set me free and I am free indeed. (John 8:36)
Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire AND the power to do what pleases him. Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that no one can criticize you.
I hope everyone had a blessed Resurrection Day! Mine was filled with many blessings, surrounded by family and loved ones.
That Sunday evening the disciples were meeting behind locked doors because they were afraid of the Jewish leaders. Suddenly, Jesus was standing there among them! “Peace be with you,” he said. As he spoke, he showed them the wounds in his hands and his side. They were filled with joy when they saw the Lord! Again he said “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I am sending you.” then he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit.”