This is a small glimpse of my childhood memories. My dad was a military man. I remember dad going away to Vietnam. I was only three years old. I was very close to my father and I missed him terribly. I remember how different things were once my dad came home. He seemed angry and he fought with my mom a lot. I grew up with a great deal of domestic violence in my home. The police never came and it seemed like no one outside my immediate family even knew what was going on.
My mom was a Christian woman and took us to church every week. Sometimes it seemed as though we spent more time in church than at home or in school. I remember one night at church the preacher said if anyone wanted to give their heart to Jesus to come forward and pray at the alter. I really needed to pray and ask for forgiveness because I was such a sinner. I was seven. I’m not sure what I was feeling so much conviction over but I wept until I had no more tears.
I felt so much better after I asked Jesus into my heart and I was so excited by what had happened I had to share with my dad. Dad wasn’t a church goer. In fact he resented the time my mom spent at church. I ran inside to tell daddy that saved. He was angry with my and yelled at me to go to bed. Needless to say I was heart broken.
My dad left soon after that night. It was a very difficult time for me because in-spite of the beatings I saw my mom take, I was still a daddy’s girl. I loved my dad and yet I feared him too. My mom moved us to a different city and my little sister, brother, mom and I tried starting over. I struggled in school because of the separation from my dad. I seemed to be the go to girl when my mom needed someone to talk to. I tried to make her feel better but I felt like I failed.
My mom remarried when I was almost eight. The marriage didn’t last long, although they didn’t fight but I think he relapsed. He had been in recovery from heroine I believe. He was an ex-hells angel or taking a break. I’m not sure if I ever got the whole story.
My mom and dad got back together when I was 9 years old. We moved back to California and started life with dad again. I was one happy little girl. I think its all children’s wishes to have their parents together.
My family remained together for the next six years. Although it was rocky for my parents, I didn’t have a problem with it. I was just happy to be with my dad.
To be continued…