My heart is heavy.


It is with a heavy heart that I write tonight. For the last 5 days I have been listening to news reports of a crazed gunman killing innocent people. First in Portland at Clackamas Town Center, which is less than 50 miles from my home and then yesterday in Newtown, Connecticut @ Sandy Hook Elementary School. My heart breaks for the families of the 20 children and the 6 women that were killed yesterday as well as the man and woman who died in Portland this week at the mall.

I think I’m bothered more by the fact that once the media coverage dies down that those of us who are far removed from these incidents will forget and go on with our lives while those parents and people who have lost someone will never be the same again. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t go on with our lives or that we should live in paralyzing fear but I wish there was some kind of change in people that would come from this. A heart change.

I wish that people would fall on their faces before God and repent of their wicked ways before this Country who was founded on FAITH IN GOD finds itself in much greater torment than it is already in.

America is on the brink of financial disaster, there are people going on killing sprees, children killing there parents and grandparents, parents killing their kids, husbands and wives killing each other not to mention other countries that are just waiting for us to destroy ourselves so they could take over. WAKE UP AMERICA! WAKE UP CHURCH! What is it going to take to bring us to the end of ourselves and on our knees before the Almighty God who rains on the just and the unjust?

Psalm 123
I lift my eyes to you, O God, enthroned in Heaven. We keep looking to the Lord our God for his mercy, just as servants keep their eyes on their master, as a slave girl watches her mistress for the slightest signal. Have mercy on us, Lord, have mercy, for we have had our fill of contempt. We have had more than our full of the scoffing of the proud and the contempt of the arrogant.

(Lord, comfort the families in Connecticut while they grieve the loss of their loved ones.)

Saying goodbye…


We said goodbye to another friend on Nov. 2nd. Him and his wife were a part of our homeless family when we were homeless. They had finally gotten off the streets and gotten sober in Jan. of this year. Bret was in dire need of a new liver but knew his chances of getting one were slim to none. He went in for heart surgery to patch a hole and put a couple of stints in some blocked valves about 4 wks. ago. Surgery went well but he had a bleed somewhere so was opened back up. He never woke back up completely. He was on the respirator for all but a few days. His kidneys failed, his lungs collapsed, then he started bleeding again, finally he got pneumonia.
All the while his wife was by his side. She clung on to hope. She had a hard time understanding what the doctors were talking about and didn’t know what questions to ask. She had only 2 friends that would visit Bret in ICU and 1 or 2 friends that were there for her exclusively. She struggled to make decisions about what measures she should or shouldn’t take. Her and Bret never talked about a death plan. They were together for 20 yrs. and all but this last year was homeless and drunk. Christine finally had to choose wether or not to take him off life support. The hardest decision she has ever had to make. Bret told her before he went into surgery that he had his teeth fixed, now his heart was getting fixed and he was ready to go to heaven. Yes, he was saved. So he has gone home to be with Jesus. Christine is struggling and as far as I know hasn’t had a drink. I don’t want to see her end up back out on the street. Please pray for her.
During this time, my husband and I have thought about two things in particular. First, how grateful we are for our health. We are immensely blessed and don’t deserve to be as healthy as we are because of the lifestyle we led in the past. Truly, if you knew everything, you would understand when I say we are walking-talking miracles. The second and because of the first thought, why does God bless some with good health and not others? How does He choose which ones get to live and which ones get to die? I mean really? Please don’t get me wrong! WE ARE GRATEFUL! I just wonder how I get to be one of the lucky ones and I know it’s not about luck… It’s about Grace… Much Grace.