Wow! Today has been rough. I am emotionally drained and raw. I had to dismiss a young lady today from program. My first dismissal. This young lady is the mirror image of who I once was and now she is trying to hang on to her sobriety and is determined in her heart to make it. However, there was a bump in the road yesterday and she committed a safety violation which is grounds for immediate dismissal. She can return Monday for a team meeting to determine if she can return to program. Having said all that…. The part that is so hard is…. I don’t even know at this point what I’m trying to say. I hurt because she hurts. It’s like I’m watching myself going through the pain all over again. I hated telling her she had to leave. I know God has a plan in all this. I know He knows right where she is and what it’s going to take to move her forward. It’s just hard to watch. I remember all to well the pain I felt during my growth in the beginning of my sobriety. Please remember to pray for those who are broken and trying to figure out how to become what God designed them to be. The homeless, addicted, the lost little ones out there who don’t have it within themselves to believe it could ever be different.
I don’t even know where to start. Some real life stuff is happening and I am fighting such deep anger. We (my husband and I) are being attacked in every direction. My step-daughter, whom I love dearly, is battling with her mother right now to regain custody of her 10 year old daughter. Our granddaughter was going to live with us for the school year to help out her mom and fiancé until they were able to get into a bigger house. They have 5 kids all together. Our daughter’s mother decided to keep our granddaughter after a visit. Now we are in a huge custody battle. She is saying all kinds of evil things against us. Please play for my family during this time. Our plates are full and Im still in school trying to finish my bachelors degree,while being a wife, mom, grandma and student, and this is very painful for my husband as this is his daughter and granddaughter we are fighting for and his ex we are dealing with. My family appreciates it very much.
I heard an evangelist say, “Religion is hanging around the cross, relationship is getting on the cross.” That spoke to my heart. Am I willing to die to self for the Savior of my soul?
Galatians 2:20 says, My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (NLT)
Dying to self is the hardest thing in the world for me. I catch myself daily living in my flesh. I haven’t quite mastered the process. However, I am working on it, some days more than others.
Did you know that self spelled backwards is flesh if you add the “h”? Well close enough that I got the message.